Wednesday, September 17, 2014

YM and Seventeen did not prepare me for this!

I was saying good night to D when he stopped me. "Mom, I just don't understand what guys are thinking." I looked around to make sure I wasn't in a Seventeen Magazine article and realizing that this was happening I replied. "Well, you're a guy. What do you mean?"

"Well, a lot of guys are always thinking about b-o-o-b-i-e-s [yes,he spelled it out], and humping and sex..." I stopped him and asked him if he knew what sex was. "No. And I don't want to know."  Patti-1 Puberty-0

So I explained to him that people grow at different rates, and that as you get older your hormones change which leads to wanting different things. "No, I'll never want to think about stuff like that." I said, "okay," and told him that if he does change his mind, it's okay. It's natural. He then asked me what "fuck" means.

I paused, mentally slammed my face against a hot iron, and answered him the best way I could. "Well, Daniel, it's a crude way for people to talk about sex."

"Oh, like 'I'm going to eff.... someone?"

Yeah. Like that. He then mentioned hearing the word rape and things got serious. I explained to him what rape is and that no means no--when girls or guys say it. I told him it's not something to joke about EVER. He understood (at least, he didn't question it) and I thanked him for talking to me about this stuff. I told him that he can come to me with any questions, and that I was proud of him for talking to me.

I was getting ready to leave when I hear, "Mom?"

"Yeah, buddy?"

"What's 'humping'?" Internal face-iron.

"Well, it's when people rub their privates up against each other--usually in clothes."

"Weird. Good night, Mom."

I think we just had our first sex talk. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go drink a bottle of vodka.

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