Easter on Facebook
Me: Happy Zombie Jesus Day!
LM: Jesus isn't a zombie... He's a vampire
Me: He died and came back from the dead. That is the very definition of a zombie.
JS: I know some officers who fit this definition
Me: Fair point.
LM: Yeah... But the same is true for vamps! Plus, he tells us to drink his blood and live forever...
JS: Jesus. Or as our friends south of the border call him, Jesus is neither. He is a necromancer with an Oedipus complex and daddy issues. He's Teflon and a great dude to have at a party. Peekaboo is not a game to play with him
-written from hell
Me: But if he were a vampire, HE'D be the one drinking blood. And he would have had to be bitten by a vampire to become one (according to lore). So while yes, a person gets bitten, dies, and then reanimates as a vampire, the main thing keeping him in zombie status is that he doesn't drink blood to infect other people to also turn them into risen messiah-figures.
Me: And, if I want to get VERY sacrilegious it could be argued that technically zombies eat brains. Well, in certain cases doesn't it seem that super religious people are brainwashed? So perhaps this zombie is metaphorically "eating" their brains.
Me: J, I'll see you in hell.
AS: ^ brilliant thought
LM: I think he was always a vampire... He did raise Lazarus from the dead before he was risen. Maybe Jesus was one of those nice zombies that only sucks the blood of bunny rabbits so he doesn't have to hurt people.
LM: Vampire! Not zombie! Haha
Me: Damnit. Forgot about Lazarus. I'm still on Team Zombie, though.
AS: Could be a vegetarian zombie like me, "Grains"
Me: A vegetarian zombie makes as much sense as Vegan breastmilk.
AS: Ouch. I will never be able to hurt anyone. If zombie-hood were to approach. Lol.
Me: This is seriously the best conversation I've been a part of.
The Simpsons - Sacrilicious
Homer eats the waffle God.
AS: Hahaha!!! I will be saying that often now.
JS: I'm leaning a tad toward vampire. How else could billions call him Father if they weren't "changed" by his blood. Unless he's a pimp. Then that's ball game